so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
