I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
