If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
