Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
