you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
