Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
