If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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