guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
