Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize