he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
