Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
