I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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