I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
