wrigley field is MILF paradise
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
