Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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