Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
