Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
