Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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