so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
