apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
