So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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