Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
