Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
