I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
