Kiss
Puke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
