I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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