im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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