She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
