He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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