I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
