i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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