I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
