didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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