I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
