im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
