Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
