She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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