i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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