So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
