She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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