Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
