we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I won the penis lottery.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
