Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
