well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We named our party play list daddy issues
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
