Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
