The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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