It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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