I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
