My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We just shotgunned beers for America
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
