Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
