i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His nipple licking is glorious
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