i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
