I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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