My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
