Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
