You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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