i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
