I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
