we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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