It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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