new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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