So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize