I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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