Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
