Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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