he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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